Collector's Edition

People collect all kinds of weird things. Baseball Cards, Dolls, Human Skulls... these are just some of the common collectibles that nerds, nerdettes & psychopaths all around the world are hoarding. There are countless websites dedicated to people's vast and ill-conceived collections. Some people even collect photos of other people's garbage, or pictures of people being pelted with bananas. Talk about ridiculous!

Ahem...

Anyway, here in the Luxurious Hollywood Hills, someone has amassed a collection of failed collections. These seem to be coming from a person in search of something to hoard. Early in this guy's life, he came home one day after school, ashamed that he was the only boy without a hobby. So after careful consideration, he chose stamp collecting:


A Philatelist generally spends years collecting stamps, often of the first day they come out. This guy started his collection in 1973, back when US Postage Stamps were only eight cents:

And while he clearly started off with gusto--gathering a huge collection of seven stamps--it's clear that he abandoned his project pretty quickly, possibly when stamps rose from 8 to 10 cents in March of 1974. Those two extra cents were too much for him to handle, so he decided to switch gears and, in the early 80's started collecting change...

...and rocks. I think initially he was trying to convince himself that by collecting the change, he could raise enough cash to revive his ailing stamp collection. And coin collecting on its own can be quite profitable if done right. But as you can see....
...he was mainly collecting Pesos, which are about as effective as his little rocks when trying to purchase stamps from the US Postal Service. (Although I've often wanted to throw stones at some of the clerks, so maybe he was on to something.)

The latest Peso is deted 1981, and I assume he remained hobby-less for nearly ten years abefore finally (albeit briefly) settling on a more manly hobby to evenutally ignore:

Cars! This Hobby, likely inspired by a combination of the Tim Allen era of 'butch comedy' and a mid-life crisis, lasted for about as long as you might think for a guy who amassed a collection of stamps and coins worth approximately $1.19 over the course of 27 years.

So what makes people want to collect things? Well, I might have done some light reading on the subject...

...and it turns out that some psychologists believe that it's mankind's effort to control some small portion of the world they live in, or an attempt to have a project that extends over the course of a lifetime. According to this article, Sigmund Freud suggested that collecting items "ties back to the time of toilet training." His theory was that potty training is so traumatic that the first flush creates a sense of loss, and you spend the rest of your life trying to regain what was taken from you.

Which would explain why this guy's collection is so... shitty.

Hey-o!

The Pet Club

The dog people in this Luxurious Hollywood Hills building have a little club, where they gather and disapprove of all of us who don't have pets... and I have no doubt that one of them left these items on the NeighborGoodies Table:


A copy of "Dog's Life" magazine with a note sticking out that reads "For Our Dog Loving Friends" which was written on the back of a script page from...

...Days of Our Lives, during a particularly heavy scene between Daniel and Chloe. Whoever they are.

Based solely on 1950's stereotypes, I'll go ahead and say this means the Pet Owner in question is probably a bored housewife (although clearly a writer would make more sense. But shut up, this is my blog!) Anyway, because she's a housewife who loves her "stories" as my grandmother used to call them, it cannot be the building manager. Why? Because she's unmarried. Why is she unmarried? Well, mostly because she's the devil. (For more on her, please see today's edition of All Bitched Up. See? I had a plan for that housewife thing all along.)

This NeighborGooder also left this painted rock:

...which is from the The Humane Society's Protect Seals campaign:

Ironically, it's the perfect size and shape to club baby seals with*. Weird.

*Note: Please do not club baby seals. Thank you.

Luxury Giving: One Year Later

Before we get to the items, I just wanted to mention that today (well, I guess it was technically yesterday, but who the hell cares?) marks the one year anniversary of NeighborGoodies! Yes it's already been one year of sneaking around & taking photographs of my neighbors' discarded items, then secretly mocking them for the world to enjoy. And much like every other one-year-old, this blog will continue to babble on nonsensically and be filled with poop.

To celebrate this milestone, I invite you to be our friend on Myspace, be our Fan on Facebook, and/or to sign up for the email version of this blog in the box on the right, in order to get each and every new post delivered to directly your mailbox!

However, the best birthday gift of all would be for you to tell your friends! (Unless, of course, they Live in Luxury in the Hollywood Hills. In that case, let's just keep it between you and me!) Thanks for reading and, I assume, enjoying!

Today, the Post-Holiday-Dump continues for the Blog's Birthday! First up, we have this festive holiday place mat:
The image of Santa makes me feel as if he's posing for a headshot: He's got one leg up, he's leaning on his knee playfully, while holding his prop sack of toys. If he wasn't wearing mittens, I'd swear he'd be mock-shooting at you wryly with his fingers, while winking and making a clicking sound with his mouth as if to say, "*clack, clack!* Hey, fella! I'm fun! *clack!*"

Up next is the second-worst Christmas gift anyone could have gotten...
...a big sack of Premium Potting Mix. There's been a lot of crap on the NeighborGoodies Table in the past year, but I believe this is the first time an actual bag of crap has been left. I can just imagine the conversation: "Here, honey! Merry Christmas! Have some dirt!" If she was mad at that, imagine how much angrier she was when she received this:

Yes, that's right, ladies and gentlemen... Today on the NeighborGoodies table is a big bag of rocks:
Clearly, our out-of-work-actor-Santa ran out of coal on this leg of his trip and was forced to leave stones instead. Or perhaps this was someone's special passive-aggressive gift to their spouse, indicating that they Live in Luxury in a Glass House and should not be throwing stones. Of course, that probably ended in the gift-giver being jollily bludgeoned to Christmas-death by said bag of rocks.

Don't you just love the Holidays?

Inside Edition

Today, the NeighborGoodies Table is filled with Things that can contain Other Things.

(*Other Things Not Included!)
First up, there's this black square plastic item...

...featuring a palm tree and bird design on the lid. I'm not sure, but I think it's a mid 80's jewelry box--possibly from the set of Dynasty. It is certainly big enough for any giant cubic zirconia earrings that were popular during that era.

And there's this Shiny Item which looks like a Christmas tree ornament...
...but actually opens up to reveal a smooth red velvet center!
This piece is perfect for any rings you may want to store, with plenty of room for any fingers they may still be attached to!

Then there's this container that was once filled with 100% Excellent High Mountain Organic Japanese Red Tea Powder...
...but now, for some reason, is filled to the brim with smooth black stones:

And you can store all of them items and more in this fancy leopard-print whore-purse!


Because who doesn't want a sack of rocks...
...especially this close to Halloween!