The Pet Club

The dog people in this Luxurious Hollywood Hills building have a little club, where they gather and disapprove of all of us who don't have pets... and I have no doubt that one of them left these items on the NeighborGoodies Table:


A copy of "Dog's Life" magazine with a note sticking out that reads "For Our Dog Loving Friends" which was written on the back of a script page from...

...Days of Our Lives, during a particularly heavy scene between Daniel and Chloe. Whoever they are.

Based solely on 1950's stereotypes, I'll go ahead and say this means the Pet Owner in question is probably a bored housewife (although clearly a writer would make more sense. But shut up, this is my blog!) Anyway, because she's a housewife who loves her "stories" as my grandmother used to call them, it cannot be the building manager. Why? Because she's unmarried. Why is she unmarried? Well, mostly because she's the devil. (For more on her, please see today's edition of All Bitched Up. See? I had a plan for that housewife thing all along.)

This NeighborGooder also left this painted rock:

...which is from the The Humane Society's Protect Seals campaign:

Ironically, it's the perfect size and shape to club baby seals with*. Weird.

*Note: Please do not club baby seals. Thank you.

Correction Fluid

First off, let me take a moment to apologize and correct some errors that have been featured on the pages of NeigbhorGoodies. Last week, I mistakenly identified these Korean CEO Magazines as Japanese. . .


As my friend pointed out: "The guys on the cover are too fat to be Japanese." She's right, and I'm sorry.

And just last post, I couldn't figure out what the holes in this metal shelf were for:

My pal Kibble suggests that they are to hold candles, which was my initial thought as well. But then I realized that heating up metal with multiple open flames is probably a terrible idea, unless you plan on using the shelf as a weapon against intruders (or loved ones, for that matter. Who am I to judge?)

Anyway, I'm more inclined to believe Lucia Pamela, who thinks the holes are for potted plants.

So from now on, I plan on doing a little more research before I just post things willy-nilly, and I can absolutely guarantee that what you read from here on out will be dripping with triple-checked accuracy.

With that, I bring you today's NeighborGoodie, found on our big, brown table:


. . .an industrial-sized tub of generic Target-brand Typewriter Correction Fluid, for all your print needs! Instead of a clumsy, minuscule brush that takes forever to apply, this off-brand of Liquid Paper comes with an easy-to-use pump to correct all of your large-scale typographical errors! I'm told this is how the pros at Wikipedia fix their mistakes...in fact, I used a few squirts to fix the erros on this very blog!

Once again, I'd like to apologize for any inconvenience my earlier mistakes may have caused, and I vow to bring you nothing but facts on the filthy items left on the neon green NeighborGoodeeze table.

And I thank you for your patients.

Turning Japanese

Apparently, someone from Japan is now living in luxury in the Hollywood hills. . .or maybe someone is simply obsessed with Japanese Culture:

Despite not reading or speaking Japanese, I assume that inside of Japanese CEO Magazine, you'll find interesting articles explaining how to become a successful CEO of your very own Japanese Business! According to this article, the secret to success seems to be all about what kind of tie you wear.

The Japanese are very innovative with their business-wear! But CEO Magazine isn't just about business. Whoever dropped off these magazines left one specific issue open to a page with pictures depicting the aftermath of the earthquake in China from May, along with this note:


Living in Earthquake country, these pictures do tell an astounding story of the devastation an earthquake can cause. I must note, however, that I'm confused by the NeighborGooder's choice of writing a note (with words) to tell us that these pictures need no words to tell us about the devastation.

Read-Eye

Ever wonder what books are on a typical coffee table in the Hollywood Hills?

This is about right:


Here, we have an informative guide to Super 8 motels across the country, an old issue of Muscle & Fitness (with the address label portion torn off, indicating that it is, in fact, a subscription) and a copy of the latest Yellow Pages....because apparently, people still use the Yellow Pages somewhere.

Judging from the fitness rag, I imagine that a wannabe actor dropped these items off. He likely moved to LA in pursuit of a career, and after a long road trip across the country (staying only at Super 8s, of course) our hero found his way into Luxury Living in the Hollywood Hills like the rest of us.

If they weren't all on his coffee table, they were probably in his bathroom, along with the only other books in his apartment--all of which are likely about studying acting. That is, of course, unless he's the same NeighborGooder who gave these away a few months ago--In which case, he's given up on acting altogether. That might help explain what I found in this Sephora Bag:


Housed in this bag are about a dozen dirty, crusted and scratched prop sunglasses:


While the level of dust on each of these glasses indicate that they haven't been used in years, the distinct design of each indicates that when they were used, they were used hilariously.


The NeighborGooder was obviously in a (now-defunct) comedy troupe, which no doubt had a clever & creative name such as "Kiss My Skits" or "Steak Har-Har!" When placed on his handsome, actory face, each pair of glasses transformed our NeighborGooder into a plethora of unique and wonderful characters, all now prematurely retired.

Characters such as the Three Blind Guys. . .

Imagine the hilarity of three blind guys wandering the stage,
bumping into each other and shouting
things like "Hey! Watch where you're goin!"

There's also the ever-popular "sees the world through Rose Colored Glasses" guy. . .

"Life is Grand!" announces the lead in this sketch, just before he gets pummeled in a series of wacky mishaps!

And we can't forget his show-stopping John Lennon impression. . .
. . which wouldn't be complete without a Yoko:
Farewell, Comedy Sketch Artist. . . Here's lookin' at you!