Now What?

Every now and again, I come across an item on the NeighborGoodies table that defies all explanation and reason:


I must confess that I wasn't really paying very close attention while I was snapping photos of this green, uhhh...item. I was busy trying to get the shots and get the hell out of the laundry room before I got caught by some Neighbors coming off the elevator. And so I'm left with two pics of this monstrosity...

...and it's only really dawned on me right now that I have no fucking idea what it is.

While I was snapping the pics, I kind of just assumed it was a candle-holder, but upon further review, that just doesn't make any sense. I wonder: Is it a coin holder? I mean, I could probably put some dimes in the little slot-shelves that line the edges. I'm not sure why I would do that, but I could.

You can't use it to drink out of, what with those aforementioned slots that open up into the body of this doo-dad. But maybe it's some sort of a tiny fountain! I suppose I could pump water into it and it could come out the sides... causing a very, very slow flood in my Luxurious Apartment. Again, I don't really know why I'd want to do that... but the option is there.

Of course, it could be another Unstylish & Useless piece of decorative pottery, like our old friend the boobie-vase. But to me, it also kina looks like maybe a tiny UFO that somehow landed on the NeighborGoodies Table! Could it be evidence of very-small extra-terrestrial life? Do we think someone is getting anally probed in my building? (The answer, of course, is yes... but I'm hoping it has nothing to do with this object.)

I think it's safe to assume that whoever dropped this particular item off also had no idea what it was meant for. I'm guessing they received it as an unwanted apartment-warming gift when they moved here to the Hollywood Hills, and immediately upon discovering the NeighborGoodies Table, it was swiftly deposited there without even an ounce of guilt.

So.... do you have any ideas what this might be? Because seriously... I just... I'm at a loss.

The Thing

This item has been hanging around the NeighborGoodies table all week long, but it took me until this morning to realize it is, in fact, a giveaway.

The problem is that it's not actually on the Official NeighborGoodies Table...just kinda near it, which is probably why no one has taken it yet:


Ok, maybe that's not the problem. Perhaps the problem is that no one knows what the hell this thing is. In fact, I'm not sure that this item has a real function.

It's got the base of a lamp. . .


....and has hanger-like arms coming out of it. . .


The top portion looks like it was removed from a sturdy wooden hanger, and the bottom, metal contraption spins for some inexplicable reason.

And the whole mess is capped off with what seems to be . . .an ash tray?


This Frankenstein of furniture begs the question: What is it?

I started thinking that maybe it's a coat rack, but it only stands about four and a half feet high total, and the two sets of arms are way too low to the ground to hang anything of length on them. Plus, it would only really work if you used the two sets of arms as hangers...so why bother?

It really does seem lamp-like in its structure, but there is no place for a bulb. Or a lampshade, for that matter.

That metal set of arms beneath the wooden hanger is kind of like a paper towel dispenser, but I couldn't find a way to separate it from the rest of the body to install a roll.

And as an ashtray, it seems pretty inconvenient. You certainly couldn't sit around it and smoke, unless you were on a pretty high barstool, or a bunch of chairs stacked upon one another. And that just seems like a lot of effort.

But the fact that the metal dish on top is pretty clean (for a NeighborGoodie) indicates that it probably wasn't ever used as an ash tray.

And so, dear reader(s)...i just have no idea what the hell this is.

Any thoughts?