Hats Off

Today we have a million billion hats on the NeighborGoodies Table...

...ok, maybe there's only six. And two of them are the same. But it's kind of like a million billion.

According to The Village Hat Shop's "Hat-isms" page (yes, they have a "hat-isms" page):

"Historically, hats have often been an integral, even necessary, part of a working uniform. A miner, welder, construction worker, undertaker, white-collar worker or banker before the 1960s, chef, farmer, etc. all wear, or wore, a particular hat. Wearing 'many hats' or 'many different hats' simply means that one has different duties or jobs."

It kind of makes you wonder what sort of duties this lad Living in Luxury in the Hollywood Hills had. This hat...

...indicates, of course, that he worked at the Mobil station pumping fuel and selling gum for 87 dollars a pop. With the steady downturn in Gas Prices and the economy as a whole, he was likely let go, which would make anyone... mad as a hatter! Hey-o!!

This one, with three tomahawks on it...

...indicates that he is, perhaps, a chief for a Native American tribe. It also indicates that the job of Indian Chief is more physically taxing than I had ever thought possible, judging from the extent of the sweat stains beneath the rim:


Obviously, this violates the ancient Native American rule of "Never Let 'em See You Sweat." Our hero was once again removed from power... at the drop of a hat!

OK, seriously.... I'll stop with the hat jokes. They're... OLD HAT anyway!

Ahem...anyway, the rest of the hats have No Fear and RealPlayer logos on them:

I imagine this guy lost his gig at the Real company years ago, during the dotcom bust. It was his favorite job--the feather in his cap, if you will. (sorry) Now, he spends his days in home in the Hollywood Hills.... just waiting for another job to come up, being a burden on society.

Oh wait... that's me. Hooray for unemployment!!

*sigh* Ok....I guess I'd better put my... thinking cap on to concentrate on finding another job!

(I hate myself)

Pop a Cap

The temperature in LA plummeted over the weekend. It was in the mid 90's all week until I left the office Friday night, at which point it was windy and in the 50's. I grew up on the East Coast, so I know I have it easy out here, but a forty degree drop will eff with you no matter where you're from.

In the wake of this cold snap, some thoughtful NeighborGooder decided to drop off some accessories to keep their fellow luxury-livers comfortable:

These two hats--more like bonnets, really--are designed to help you retain a good portion of your body heat. Especially the one made of denim, I'm sure.

Meanwhile, this Hello Kitty hat comes with a matching wallet, so you can stay warm in style!
For the gentlemen out there, there's this filthy Paramount Pictures baseball cap...

...which looks as though it was last used when the wearer was in the forest chopping wood.

There's also this stylish black and white bandanna...

...which is clearly used and likely still soaked with sweat. The bandanna itself is adorned with images of various pissed off looking cats, some with electric tails. I can think of nothing more dangerous than an electric-kitty. When I was growing up, my non-electric cat spent a lot of her free time trying to destroy me. I can only imagine what damage she would have inflicted if she was armed with the capability to administer feline shock-therapy to me and my family while we slept.

Speaking of pets--you wouldn't want your tiny, designer yappy dog that wakes everyone up each morning to freeze out in this cold. No, that would be an absolute tragedy. So you'll want to use this tiny American Apparel doggie sweater:

I'm going to resist the temptation to mock the folks who dress up their pets like a fashion accessory... especially since there are apparently people who like to play dress-up with their home furnishings:

Yes, someone tied a little purple scarf on this dirty, almost opaque decorative vase.

The vase is covered in a sticky film and dressed as though it just got back from a night on the town, possibly with a smartly dressed animal.

...

Hmmm...now that I see it in print, who among us hasn't had a night end like that? I rescind my complaint.