The Hardest Thing

Before I get to the contest update (there is still no winner), let me just tell you how excited I am by the NeighborGoodie I found just a few minutes ago while doing laundry. Pop Culture NeighborGoodies are always some of my favorites and I don't think I'm exaggerating here when I say this may be one of The Greatest NeighborGoodies of All Time.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you a copy of 98 Degrees' Hit CD 98˚ and Rising...

...Autographed by the four boys themselves, Nick, Drew, Justin & Jeff!

I should tell you here that while the cover is indeed autographed, I make no assertions whatsoever as to their authenticity. I'm not sure who would take the time to forge Jeff, Justin, Drew & Nick's signatures on a 98 Degrees CD, but I'm just putting it out there.

I should also tell you that the CD itself is not included:


This, of course, means that someone took the CD out of its autographed case, kept it, and chose to purposefully discard the signed cover with little-to-no regard for its cash or nostalgic value. I can only assume this was done out of malice. Perhaps someone is a big fan of Jessica Simpson and decided to purge any Nick Lachey memorabilia laying around her Luxurious Apartment in the Hollywood Hills. Or perhaps someone just doesn't have a warm place in their heart for boy bands in particular or pop culture in general

Maybe I'm taking this NeighborGoodie a little too personally. While I was never a big 98 Degrees fan, I have had the pleasure of working with Nick Lachey on a couple of TV Shows (some hits, others not-so-much-but-still-good-anyway-no-matter-what-you-say) and I'm not afraid to admit that I might have a little crush on him. He's just so... nice. And hot. There, I said it. Happy now?

Anyway, I obviously couldn't just leave an item of this caliber on the table. I couldn't do it. I knew it would be trashed any second as the cleaning crew (aka: The NeighborGoodies Quality Assurance Team) had already begun their morning rounds.

And so, as an EXTRA ADDED BONUS....whoever wins The Guess the Goodie prize will also recieve this 98 degrees autograph!!!!!!

Can you stand it???

Now: On to the contest!


It's been five days and no one has been able to guess what's inside of this box yet:


Only one person has come semi-close, and even they are way off.

Here are the Wrong Guesses So Far, in order of Wrongness:

People or Animals (Tiny, Rabid, or otherwise.)

Office Supplies of Any Sort (Includes, but is not limited to, stationery, stickers, pencils, etc.)

Lymon Anything (Such as Salt & Pepper Shakers, People, and, for some reason, tampons.)

Tiny Obama Victory Plates

Clothing (Rubber Gloves, Bedazzled Socks and other assorted wearables, both mentionable and not.)

Board Games.

Audio Cassettes.

In Wednesday's post, I gave a hint stating that, despite its Lymon Decorations, you were not to Eat or Taste the item, nor is it meant to be sniffed due to a lemon-lime scent. Which leaves you with three senses to use: Obviously, you can touch the item, since it's in three dimensions. You can also see the item, which you've already done here on this blog.

That leaves you with one more sense. (And no, it clearly is not common sense.)

I'll give you one more hint: You almost certainly have an item like this inside of your home and/or car. This might be a smaller version of the one(s) you currently own, but you've definitely got at least one. In fact, you probably used your version of the item today.

And so, once again, comment here and take a guess... because if you can correctly Guess The Goodie... you'll Get the Goodie... Along with the autographed 98˚ Album Cover!

Because who doesn't want to receive a package full of other people's unwanted items?

Sam Hell

Generally, it's rare for any of the objects on the NeighborGoodies Table to identify their former owner by name. Usually, the objects are donated anonymously and are pretty much untraceable, leaving us to wonder who the NeighborGooders were and why they left us such nonsense. In fact, I believe there were only two times I've been able to identify the NeighborGooders by name--once was child artist prodigy V Jaiem ♥, and the other was a girl named Samantha, who may actually be indirectly responsible for these items as well:

"Sam's Mix," featuring a guitar-playing Jesus rocking out on the cover, is a homemade CD filled with songs from the 80's and 90's which, if they were recorded today, would be classified as "emo." But, as they are from the Pre-emo (Premo?) Era, they fall under the Punk/Goth/Industrial/Alternative umbrella:

Bands like Bauhaus, Red Lorry Yellow Lorry, Joy Division and The Jesus & Mary Chain make up the bulk of this compilation, which was lovingly crafted for Sam by Jo:

The whole scene screams of a lesbian love affair gone wrong. Were Sam & Jo once a couple? I imagine Samantha experimenting with Jo, perhaps even falling in love with her during her first year in Hollywood (Slogan: "It changes people, man!™") Soon after deciding she was a lesbian, Jo convinced Samantha to go by Sam, reasoning that "There's no room for a MAN in SaMANtha." Samantha agreed and dropped the "antha" from her name, placed her parking placard and girly mint-green skirt on the NeighborGoodies Table last April and began her lesbionic life with Jo in the luxurious Hollywood Hills.

Of course, first loves can't last forever. And with the passage of Prop 8 here in California last fall, gay love is particularly frowned upon (Thanks, Mormons!) With all the extra stress of being a blight on society, Sam began to grow apart from Jo.

Jo made this heartfelt mix on a blue CD to reflect her sadness and try to convince Sam to stay. With this selection of songs, Jo was telling Sam she wanted her lady back so they could once again have Sex On Wheels. But for Sam, the Novelty had worn off. The Christian Right had gotten to her, warning of the Burning Skies about to fall, and telling her to get rid of the Blood Evil (Mix) within her. Without listening, Sam returned the CD to Jo, telling her to Take It* back.

And thus ends the great love story of Sam & Jo. Jo stayed behind in the Luxurious Home they shared in the Hollywood Hills to try and pick up the pieces, convincing herself that Sam was Only Shallow. Luckily, Jo met a cute little waitress down the street over the weekend, and decided to drop off the CD that she's been holding on to--her last piece of Sam--officially having gotten over her once and for all.

Sam, for her part, is likely out coaching a softball team somewhere, still searching for a love that will match that of Jo's. But deep down, she knows no love will even Scratch the surface.

In order to prevent this story from happening to functioning homosexual couples throughout the land, I urge you to visit Equality California's website to find out what you can do to help! Save the Gays! Because if you don't, who else will dress you?


*FYI, There is no music video for "Take It" by the Jesus & Mary Chain.

See No Evil, Hear No Evil

Over the weekend, someone dropped off a gigantic (albeit very dusty) speaker:

This wood paneled item looks more like furniture than a speaker, and seems as though it was pulled from a log cabin some time in the mid 80's. I could find no brand name identifier on this behemoth, but I think we can all agree that it must be a quality product, since it is so big and so dusty. Plus, there is only one speaker--which no doubt means crystal clear quality mono sound for all of your LP's and 8-Tracks! Since bigger is always better, there's no need for two speakers when just a massive one will suffice... Especially when listening to this:

This CD single caught my eye initially because, well, it's in the shape of a giant condom:

It even proclaims to be able to reduce the risk of HIV infection and many other sexually transmitted diseases, which is generally the opposite of what music normally does. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten ear-aids™ from listening to dirty pop.

There's no official video for this song, but I did manage to find someone playing the track over an image of the CD (on a red NeighborGoodies-like table, no less!):

Not only is it a pretty decent song that sounds great (although not as good as it would on that speaker up there, obviously) but it can also prevent STDs! What more could you want out of a CD?

Oh, I know... How about a cure for your blindness?

This "Natural Vision Improvement Kit" comes with not one, but two CDs aimed at eradicating any need for glasses or contact lenses. The kit also includes two eye charts, a 90 page guidebook and, according to a website called soundstrue.com, 13 "illustratred" practice cards! Clearly this eye improvement kit does nothing to help you spell.

The kit was invented by Meir Schneider, founder of the School for Self-Healing. According to his bio, Meir was born without eyes, or some such nonsense. After some surgeries which left his eyeballs "shattered" (ouch!) doctors said he'd never see anything ever! Ever! But then, at the tender age of 17, with nothing else to do but be post-pubescent, cranky and blind, he decided to practice a bunch of eyeball exercises and blam! Not only can he see, but he can now see well enough to hold a California drivers license:

I couldn't uncover anyone on the internet who has actually used this method, which could mean one of three things:

A: They tried this thing, went completely blind and couldn't figure out how to post a complaint about it.

B: They tried it; it worked and no one posted about how wonderful it was because, well, no one wants to write if there's nothing to complain about. (Or is that just me?)

C: They purchased this item, realized that they'd actually have to do some super-intense eye training, and got lazy about it.

This last thing is almost certainly what happened here in my building. I can pretty much guarantee that someone got this kit and was entirely too lazy to actually go through with it with the program. They eventually decided to dump it onto the NeighborGoodies table along with the dusty speaker.

I'm no doctor, but I imagine removing the 30 year old dust from their apartment has already improved his or her eyesight by 15 - 20 %. What a bunch of filthy blind animals.

G. Grilled... and hold the Special Sauce

Today's collection of nonsense includes this copy of the Flirting With Disaster soundtrack:


The movie was pretty hilarious, but I was unaware of its soundtrack until discovering it upon the Neighborgoodies table. It's got tracks by Cake, Urge Overkill and Southern Culture on the Skids mixed in with lines of dialog from the movie itself. Harmless enough...except that Track 3 is a song by G-Dammed G. Love and the Philly Cartel. . .apparently the Special Sauce even needed some time away from him at this point.

I know there are G. Love fans out there (Dave) and I simply don't understand. I'm sure he's a very nice guy, but, as I've said many times: G. Love needs a Glove right in the mouth.

Perhaps he will stop singing if we push him face down in this George Foreman Grill . . .

. . .because Lord knows, I wouldn't want to actually use this greasy, grimy item to cook any food.


Again....I don't want any food prep device of any kind that wasn't factory sealed when I took it into my luxurious apartment in the Hollywood Hills.

If anyone dared to cook anything in this. they might Perish. . .

. . .Twice!

Which would be nice...if they were G. Love.

Worst Mix Tape Ever

This weekend, the NeighborGoodies table was home to Seven random CDs:


In this collection, we've got HAYDEN's Everything I Long For, The soundtrack for the Twin Peaks TV Series, and ANI DIFRANCO's To The Teeth as well as her live album Living In Clip.

The presence of the Ani DiFranco CDs makes me wonder if the woman who left her Diva shirt last week is behind today's Goodies as well. She also left behind Fire by Electric Six. . .



The jewel case is destroyed, but I don't think this was a mere accident. I think it was sabotage--an attempt to hide some evidence. Evidence that is left behind on the final two CDs:



First up: The Civil War: The Complete Work is a two-disc set featuring songs by artists such as Hootie & The Blowfish and Patti Labelle, as well as, I imagine, dramatic readings from folks like Ellen Burstyn, Danny Glover and Maya Angelou. I have no idea what this thing is, but I do know that this particular copy was pilfered from the Bloomfield Township Public Library in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan...along with Marie Christine: A New Musical:



Marie Christine starred Audra McDonald and opened on Broadway December 2, 1999 and closed a mere 42 performances later on January 9, 2000. I couldn't really ascertain what this musical was about, other than it was set in New Orleans in "the gay 90's," which, as it turns out, occurred in the late 19th century as opposed to when I had originally thought. While not a major hit on Broadway (although it was nominated for five Tony Awards) this original cast recording scored big in Bloomfield, MI during its first six months in the library. After being checked out practically once per month since record-keeping began, its popularity declined rapidly, only being checked out once during 2002, 2003 and 2004--when it was removed permanently from the stacks.

Both the Civil War and Marie Christine were due back at the Bloomfield Public Library on April 15, 2004... Only they weren't brought back. They were taken from their native Michigan and transported in a dastardly scheme to Southern California. The Diva who stole them must have known the heat was on her and relocated to LA, assuming a different identity in the process. The only thing left to do was ditch the evidence. And ditch it she did, right into the laundry room.

The perfect crime. . . Or is it?