All Mixed Up

Over the weekend, someone in the building did a full-on Media Cleanse, first getting rid of their dual cassette/CD player:


I'd say this is a pretty good find, except that it has no speakers... although some might argue that the cassette I found inside more than makes up for that:



A copy of 1996's "Older" by George Michael, which scored about zero hits in the States, but was a massive hit everywhere else in the world. In addition to "Older," this NeighborGooder also dumped the rest of their old audio tapes onto the Big Blue Table:

This collection seems to be made up entirely of crappy compilations, such as...
...Christmas Time with Elmo & Patsy (and others) featuring that wacky holiday anthem "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer."


Elmo & Patsy are featured amongst more traditional crooners such as Gene Autry, Julie Andrews and, for some reason, Jim Nabors...
...who was TV's Gomer Pyle. But still, they get top billing on the cover of this cassette.

In addition to terrible holiday music, this box is also full of Mix Tapes. For the young whipper-snappers out there, Mix Tapes were something we did before we made Mix CDs, which were something we did before iPod Shuffles were a thing. Get off my lawn.

I believe Mix Tapes are second only to diaries if you want to get a glimpse inside of a person's head and find out just how weird they really are, especially if you find tapes that were only meant for the creator, such as "Ecclectic Instrumental..."
...or "Mellow Classical..."
...or the hopelessly generic "Mixed Music I."


I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that these mix tapes, which are all haphazardly encased with no regard to each cassette's manufacturer (this woman was not brand loyal at all) all seem to be the lamest Mix Tapes Ever. Mellow Classical? BORING! Ecclectic Instrumental? First of all, spell eclectic right...and secondly, instrumental? Jesus, I'd hate to be on a road trip with this chick.

Mix tapes gained popularity in the 70's, with the introduction of Sony's Walkman. At the time, the record labels panicked and started slapping labels on all of their LP's and cassettes:

Turns out, the record labels were right... and mix tapes are why we don't have recorded music anymore. So as boring and terrible as these NeighborGoodies cassettes are, they may well be the last new music that was ever produced. Because Home Taping Killed Music. And this woman's terrible musical taste killed everyone around her.

Battle of the Lexus

The third and final post from the now-weeks-old Pile of Crazy:

Clearly the person who left this stuff behind...

...had a somewhat rough relationship with his car. After years of faithful service, the car likely started breaking down--and breaking his heart. Finally, after years of tinkering with the engine himself, he was forced to get rid of it and move on, suddenly leaving him with a pile of stuff that can only accumulate in a car's trunk over the years--which is often much like the items that accumulate on the Big Blue Table itself.

Few things scream "I Just Got A New Car" more than a pile of cassette tapes:


Especially ones from Black Sabbath, ZZ Top and Metallica... along with several mix tapes that were made over the years which, no doubt, include some Def Leppard, Warrant and, for some reason, Nelson.

In addition to the cassettes, this person also finally got rid of several other old and useless items that were popular in the midwest in the 90's.


Items such as The Club (Slogan: "Use It!") and an ice scraper, which has little-to-no-use here in sunny southern California indicating that this car hadn't been cleaned out since before its owner drove it to live in luxury in the Hollywood Hills.

Its tumultuous relationship with its owner is also indicated by the presence of a bicycle seat...

...which means the driver often had to pedal to or from work when the car decided to break down.

I'm not 100% sure where these wooly socks and shorts fit in:

but I guarantee you they probably were last used around the time of the ice scraper... and these blue Christmas icicle lights:

Because nothing says "broken down car" like icicle lights and a club.

In other news, I'm still jet-laggy, so I apologize for the rambly nature of these recent posts. Next week, I swear I'll be better. Maybe even funny. But I'm not promising anything.

Phoney

Before we get to the new NeighborGoodies, I want to give an update on what was left behind the other day. On Friday, this bag of cassette tapes and office supplies was left on the Big Blue Table:

Over the weekend, I noticed that some obsessive-compulsive NeighborGooder arranged the contents of the brown bag in order, seemingly so that any would-be takers would be able to see the full collection of Poison, Warrant & Skid Row albums available in this dead format:

They also put the assorted office supplies off to the side within the sack which, I later discovered...
...were pretty much the only things that anyone had any interest in during its tenure on the NeighborGoodies Table.

At the other end of the table, another bag of crazy appeared:

I looked inside and found this phone...
...these shoes...


...and this Triple Tropical Fruit Smoothie Blistex.


I think it's appropriate that one pair of these shoes have little skulls & crossbones on them...

..because clearly whoever dares to use this Tropical Blistex will be poisoned.

I know the economy is in a terrible state right now, but I have to put my foot down...and not into these filthy shoes. I've said it before on this blog, but apparently I need to reiterate it: No One Wants Your Ratty Used Ass-Sneakers. They just don't. YOU don't want them; what makes you think anyone else wants them? And, for the record: THEY DON'T WANT YOUR HERP-INFESTED LIP BALM EITHER!

Unless someone came upon the NeighborGoodies table after wandering the desert for weeks on end... their shoes in tatters and their lips blistering, I am going to go ahead and say that these items can safely be placed in the dumpster without hauling them from your apartment down into the laundry room.

The only item even mildly interesting in this sack is the red phone, which looks like it might have belonged to Commissioner Gordon:

The phone is quite heavy, and its weight (made up almost entirely of dust) along with the instructions on it imploring the user to "Wait for Dial Tone" actually made me think that this was an original, classic rotary type phone. But, upon closer inspection, it turns out to be an impostor! According to the back...

...this phone was manufactured in June of 2006. That, coupled with the fact that it isn't a rotary phone at all...
...makes me doubt its authenticity.

But it's still better than used Lip Balm.

Media Frenzy

In preparation for the Digital TV switchover here in the States, one NeighborGooder has donated all of their "classic" non-digital receivers and media to the Big Blue Table:

This rabbit ears attached to this Daewoo television initially made me think it was a 40 year old black and white set. However, this sticker tells a different story:

“Everyone loves a DVD…. New for 2005.”

I don’t understand. Did Daewoo just catch on to the DVD Bandwagon four years ago? Hadn’t Daewoo heard of DVD's for the first 10 years of their existence?

I suppose it's possible that this TV set really is in black and white; I mean if Daewoo is excited about this fancy "new" feature called a DVD player, perhaps color isn't something they've achieved yet. After all, they are still manufacturing TV's with rabbit-ears on them:

They have a remote, so some technology has clearly influenced them. I wonder if this was their first TV model without a VCR attached?

Speaking of VCRs: here's a semi-decent selection of movies that might actually be worth taking, if they weren't on VHS:


And, of course, what Media Cleanse would be complete without a sack of 80's Hair Metal Band cassette tapes...

...mixed in with various highlighters, Sharpies and pens?

So, if you are looking for some late 80's, early 90's era media and markers, the Luxurious Hollywood Hills has once again proven to be your one-stop-shop.

Year-End Blowout

Holy crap.

Apparently, there is a post-holiday surge that occurs on New Year's weekend on the NeighborGoodies Table. The amount of crap that has amassed on the Big Blue Table over the last few days is just ludicrous:


Frankly, I'm surprised the table didn't collapse under the weight of all these items. It'll take four thousand years to dig through this mess, so I'll just give you the highlights:

Inside of one of the white plastic trash bags is this pile of jolly uselessness:
Clearly, Santa's last stop before packing it up and moving back to the North Pole is the NeighborGoodies table, where drops off all of his undelivered items, such as leftover decorations...


...along with his beard, glasses...

...and trademark hat...
...complete with yellowing stains indicating just how hard he's been working through the holidays.

He also dropped off lots of unwanted gifts, like these royalty-themed books...

...which seem ROYALLY boring! There's also some non-royalty-themed books...

...which also fail to make me care. Santa also dropped off an open stack of tan paper...

...a terrifying faceless angel holding the kitty that sent her to heaven...

...this lovely lampshade and accompanying hot pink boa...
...a sack full of audio tapes...

...featuring such hits as "Renaissance Music for the Harp" and its follow-up smash "Irish Dance Tunes for All Harps: 50 Jigs, Reels, Hornpipes, and Airs!"And, of course, Christmas wouldn't be complete without a dual cassette tuner to play the cassettes on...
...and a basket to store them in.

There's already a pile of unwanted gifts amassing downstairs... And I will be happy to report on those tomorrow.