Formula for Nastiness

I am definitely not okay with today's Neighborgoodies. There have been some dirty, gross items left behind.... but these might just be the most offensive so far. First up. . .


. . .we have three OPENED tins of Baby Formula! Because you definitely want to feed your precious newborn from discarded, used containers of food. I don't have any kids, but I imagine if I did, I wouldn't be too eager to feed my child something I found in my laundry room.

Each of these containers has a different baby formula. The yellow can contains Enfamil Lipil with Iron! It is their "closest formula to breast milk." The only thing that could be more inappropriate than canned baby food is perhaps a bottle of fresh breast milk on the NeighborGoodies table.

The Pink Similac container is the "Isomil Advance soy formula" which is "for fussiness, gas and spit-up." Perhaps I need a dose of this myself, for I am fussy and want to spit up due to the nature of this next set of Neighborgoodies:

Valued readers, I present you with not one, but two. . .USED BIKINIS:





These two-piece blue floral used bikinis are just the bottom of the NeighborGoodies barrel. (Well, at least I hope they are. . .) What is the thought process here? God only knows what sort of funk these things are housing...especially if either of these were worn in the nasty jacuzzi that was just installed in the back of the building. (Seriously--it really is Luxury Living in the Hollywood Hills here.)

As the weather gets nicer here in LA, I'm terrified that I am going to see one of my Neighbors wearing these bikinis around the building and spit up all over them.

Maybe these bikinis will bring them luck. Perhaps they will be out sunbathing by the pool one day, and one of the desperate actor-y neighbors who lives in the building will find the lady quite fetching. They'll begin a whole new life together as one, all because she took a used bikini off the NeighborGoodies table. And before long, they'll have a beautiful baby together...Hopefully, she took the baby formula as well.

I'm feeling a little colicky.

Stop, Collaborate and LISTEN!

First up, I want to thank NeighborGoodies enthusiast Kate who managed to shed some light on yesterday's Goodie.

As it turns out, this thing. . .


...is actually a valet--a rack to hang a suit on. The bottom metal ring is to dangle your pants while the top hanger-like thing is, well, a hanger for a suit jacket. There's even a hook for a tie! And the top ashtray is used to deposit high class items such as cuff links, tie clips and money holders, because you're rich and you wear suits all the time.

Clearly, I don't dress well enough because I've never crossed paths with such a piece of furniture. I apparently am living in less luxury than the other tenants in my building, who have spare suit racks just lying around their apartments.

Anyway, onward and upward. The creators of today's NeighborGoodie have managed to avoid the current "Blu-Ray or HD-DVD" quagmire by simply choosing to distribute their new film on VHS.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Look . . .and Listen:


According to the back of the video box, this collection of three short films is "an honest look at inner city teens and their struggle to avoid drugs and alcohol." It is written by local teens and their mentors...which might explain why the characters have names like "Preppy" and "Little" and "Cheez."

If you click on the images below, taken from the back cover, you'll be able to read the synopses of the three short films, as well as the full story behind the creation of this collection:



These films, with their universal high-school themes of running with the wrong crowd, teen pregnancy, drug abuse and people named Cheez, remind me of ABC's Afterschool Specials which ran in the 80s and 90s--including my favorite: "Too Soon for Jeff" which starred Freddie Prinze Jr. as a master debater in high school whose future is thrown into doubt when he knocks up Jessica Alba. Too soon for Jeff, indeed. Hopefully, the characters in Listen's The End of Something New will follow in Freddie Prinze Jr.s footsteps and do the Right Thing!

And the best part is, you can take a copy for yourself and a troubled friend!

I do have to admit that as far as NeighborGoodies go, this one isn't so bad. At least it's got a positive message. Although since it is still sealed, it is clear that whoever had these tapes didn't bother to watch. She's probably a baby mama by now, living illegally in the broom closet contained inside of the NeighborGoodies laundry room, where she likely places her infant inside of the dryers at night to keep him warm. I half expect to find the bastard child on the blue table, left amongst the abandoned VHS tapes, toasters and old shoes. And when I do, you can bet you'll see it first right here at NeighborGoodies!