Rerun!

When I was a kid, the summers always meant one thing: Reruns! But now with year-round programming by most of the networks, the summer reruns are a thing of the past....except here on the NeighborGoodies table!

I present to you the first NeighborGoodies Rerun!


Sharp-eyed readers will note that this anonymous painting was featured in the February 20, 2008 edition of NeighborGoodies. In the first DoubleNeighborGoodie Event in Recorded History, this painting has found its way back to the NeighborGoodies table!

What is it about this painting that drives each of its owners away? I'm no art critic, but I think it may be the fact that the fiery red section in the middle that makes people feel like they are descending into hell. Clearly, it's a representation of living in this shitass building. luxury.

I imagine the artist lives in the building and left it on the NeighborGoodies table in February to try to gain the satisfaction of knowing their art is hanging in someone's Luxurious Apartment here in the Hollywood Hills. "I'm just trying to get my art out there, man," I imagine him saying.

Upon seeing their beloved painting's return to the NeighborGoodies table, the original artist may have given up on art altogether, judging by these supplies that were also left on the table:

Although I'm pretty sure they couldn't have painted anything with a makeup pencil, a rock and whatever is inside that container at the top, they might very well have used this Styrofoam Mary Kay makeup palette to house their paints:


Of course...the painting could be a forgery--a cheap knockoff of the original piece of NeighborGoodies art.

Hmmm....but probably not.

The Incredible Shrinking NeighborGoodies

I've noticed a trend on the NeighborGoodies table this week: For some reason, there has been a record number of small Goodies being left... Perhaps a very tiny person has just moved in!

First up, there's this little teapot. . .

. . .both short and stout!

If your tiny cup of tea is too hot (Careful!) you can use this red rubber ice tray to make skinny (but very long) ice...well, "cubes" isn't the right word...ice sticks? That doesn't sound right. . .


Whatever the nomenclature, skinny-but-long icy-matter is perfect for any small parties you may be hosting. And, of course, you'll want to look your best. Luckily, there are these two compact, well. . .Compacts from Mary Kay. . .

. . .complete with instructions! I had initially intended to make fun of how silly it seems that you'd need instructions to open a compact, but then I had to refer to them, because I couldn't figure it out on my own. Bah.


All those tiny NeighborGoodies are all great...but this tiny sweater is, by far, my favorite...

You'll definitely want to click on that picture to see this thing in all its hideous, hi-res glory.

It looks to be a homemade baby sweater depicting Santa Claus riding on his sleigh, which is being led by some sort of ascot-wearing moose/reindeer hybrid. Santa, meanwhile, is happily donning some sort of Russian hat and appears to be delivering some eggs and an American flag to some lucky boy or girl.

It looks to me like the sweater, in its initial incarnation, was maybe too small for the baby--perhaps it took longer than anticipated for Grandma to knit, or perhaps Junior came out much bigger than anyone imagined possible. And so, having run out of blue yarn, the green sections at the bottom and on the collar were hastily stitched on by Granny in an attempt to save the sweater.

No word yet on what the three errant wooden buttons are doing on the sweater's left shoulder.

Did I mention that the reindeer is wearing an ascot?

That thing is nothing short of amazing...and it goes perfect with these baby-sized Chococat Suspenders!


I'm not sure what sort of child this kid will grow up to be. .but I'm pretty sure it's not going to be pretty.

And finally, who wants some mini 3 Musketeers bars. . .

. . .which are still housed in their original Easter Basket? Hi, Easter was two months ago.

The "Don't Take Candy From Strangers" rule is doubly important here on the NeighborGoodies Table because:
A: It's stale.

and B: You certainly wouldn't want to risk eating something left by the woman who knitted that sweater, would you? Because, clearly, she's dangerous.

Of course, if there were Rolos in this basket, I likely would not be complaining. But that's neither here nor there.

That's So Rave-n

Over the weekend, there was a box left on the NeighborGoodies table. . .


. . .and inside of it was a complete life...someone was obviously giving up their Raver Lifestyle in exchange for a Luxurious Life in the Hollywood Hills.

First, there's the black dress and lipstick for the lady to wear to her rave. . .

. . .because clearly you want used lipstick...especially when it's likely laced with ecstasy.

There's also this hilariously kitschy tie for your raver boyfriend to wear. . .

. . .which will look good when combined with this awesome N Sync bandanna!

And what rave would be complete without a glowstick??

This one lasts for 12 green hours! But if you don't want to half-ass your raving....then what you really need is. . .the Flash-it!


Because you need to "Start a Flashing Frenzy!!!"

I couldn't find any info on this product, other than what's on the package. It hails from London's Harrods Department Store. . .


. . .and it's Not A Toy. . .


I love that they covered up the tiny baby with the slash through it to make sure everyone knows that the Flash-it is not only not for infants, but it's not for any children at all! With Great Frenzies come Great Responsibilities, I guess.

And of course, no Rave would be complete without the fire department showing up and kicking everyone out for overcrowding:




What kind of person has all of this in one house? Those seedy raver kids, that's who! Damned kids and their....raves. Get off my lawn!

What? I'm tired. . .