Killer Art

As you know, most of the NeighborGoodies featured on this blog come directly from Hell. They are filthy, possibly cursed objects that nobody ever, ever wants.

Ever!

But then there are the rare Goodies that, in my opinion, should be displayed in museums--homemade items that are nothing short of works of art! Of course, that's not to say they aren't also from hell:

First up is this remarkably dark and twisted collage. With words like murder...
and phrases like "scream 'help' like a little girl" highlighted, it's clear this piece was inspired by the artist's life amongst the killers here in the Luxurious Hollywood Hills.

Flipping over this masterpiece, you'll find the artist's full name...
...along with the teacher's name from her Art III Honors class, who no doubt had Randi thrown into counseling the second she turned this project in.

(Note: All pertinent info has been blurred out to protect the gothy high school artist girl from future acts of violence against her. And, of course, to prevent said artist/murderer from Googling herself and finding out that we know she's a would-be killer.)

After being hauled off to counseling, Randi returned to honors art and revealed herself as no longer being afraid--but is a strong young woman, looking to keep her GPA up:

I seriously cannot believe how amazing this painting is. The montage of tiger and woman speaks volumes. Randi's inner beast is now unleashed in her art, as if to say "Raaaar! I'm a tiger! Do not attack me, for I will Raaar at you! Now I must get a scholarship to lesbian school! Because without college, I will have a dark future! And with my uncertain past...

...I have NO ONE LEFT TO TRUST! RAAAAR!!!!!"

Good luck in Lesbian School, Randi. We here at NeighborGoodies certainly hope to see more of your art here very soon!

Animals Are People, Too. Delicious, Delicious People.

A few weeks ago, I posted about some items left by one of the pet owners (or "parents" as they prefer to be called) of the building. I mentioned that they have a little club here in these Luxurious Hollywood Hills Apartments that excludes, shuns, shames and annoys the non-pet owners of the building. The person who left those items out for the "Dog Lovers" of the building must also be responsible for the ASPCA literature lying around on the table this week:

The ASPCA is one of the polite, kind, gentle animal rights groups, like the WWF or STOP--Save The Oppressed Polyesters. They distribute calendars with fuzzy polar bears on them and understand that people are going to keep eating meat, but they're still fighting the good fight to get the animals treated more humanely while they're alive. Couldnt' agree more.

But then there's that... "Other" animal group. You know, the ones who somehow think that violence towards people will curb violence towards animals.

They're the belligerent, over-zealous types ones who leave literature like this all over the place:

Ominous pamphlets such as "Elephants in Zoos: The Truth Revealed" and "Try Vegetarian!" The person who left this propaganda is clearly the woman who assaults you outside of your grocery store, hollering about how animals are tortured before they're killed so you can feed your fat face with them.

And the whole time she's screaming at you about how you're the Anti-Christ for having a hamburger...
...she's forgetting to feed her fish.


Way to go, killer. Guess you're having sushi tonight.

Blue Monday

This weekend, there were lots of NeighborGoodies laying around. The first two tiny items are beauty product samples:
This teensy tiny container of Blue Chamomile Day Moisturizer is about the size of a quarter and came from EvanHealy company, along with this tiny bottle of Blue Lavender Cleansing Milk:

My question is, when did "blue" become an ingredient for face creams and "cleansing milk" (whatever that is)? A quick trip to the Evan Healy web site reveals that these are "Holistic" skin care products, but it doesn't seem to mention how much blue is contained in their products. According to the web site, these products were featured in an article in Martha Stewart's now-defunct Blueprint Magazine.

Then I realized that the rest of the items on the blue table that is NeighborGoodies Central, were also quite blue, including these two postcards:




Both of these postcards feature works of art by Eric Drooker from a 1992 book called Flood! A Novel In Pictures, which is described as "a modern novel written in the ancient language of pictures."

Is it a coincidence, or is someone consciously making an effort to remove the color blue from their lives? Perhaps they took it too literally when they were told to do something to get rid of their blues.

Also removed from their troubled life, this light blue 2008 weekly planner:



This one dollar blue item was likely purchased in order to help this individual gain control of their life, but was ultimately discarded six weeks into the year, without a single plan inside of it.

The final piece of blue baloney is quite similar to an item I was pissed off about just a mere ten days ago. Ladies and Gentlemen, it's the Return of Carpet Madness:


Yes...once again the NeighborGoodies table has been bequeathed a vehicle of feces in the form of a used toilet seat cover and bathroom floor cozy--with the same exact pattern as the red ones that appeared weeks ago--have a look:

A Neighboroodies Flashback!

Same hideous floral pattern....same misguided notion that someone in this building wants these things.

And finally, all of these blue items were being overseen by this pissed-off cat:


While the kitty itself isn't blue, I'm sure that it was still causing the NeighborGooder a mild case of The Blues, so clearly it had to go as well.

Hopefully this person searching for a sense of order will find happiness in her blue-less existence. And, hopefully, we here in the Hollywood Hills will benefit by getting their Smurfs DVDs.