Boo!

While I often use the words "Scary" and "Terrifying" to identify NeighborGoodies, few actually rattle me to my core like this one does:


I think I speak for everyone when I wet my pants with fright and shout, "GOOD FUCKING CHRIST GET IT AWAY!"

I'd like to say this item, made out of what seems to be a wedding veil, is some sort of Halloween decoration, but its appearance four months after the holiday (and, coincidentally, eight months before it...) makes me think that it's something far more sinister.

The presence of the stick indicates that perhaps this monster is meant to be some sort of puppet, although clearly not intended for children. I have to believe no kid's puppet is going to have menacing red hair coming up out of its neckline...

...or a fiery crotch down below:

So if it's not a puppet, and it's not a Halloween decoration... then there really is only one other possible use for this item: Voodoo Doll. Clearly, this is an item that someone, somewhere was using to get back at somebody for something.

I'm sorry I can't be more specific today, but I am simply too frightened to give it even another moment's thought.

Paging Mrs. King. . .

This demonic straw scarecrow terrifies me. If I saw this at a friend's home, I would throw up and die right there in their living room. Who the crap is going into AC Moore, looking this beast in its beady little eyes and saying: "Yes, I want this for my home." The fact that it was residing in my laundry room is just horrifying to me. The thing could have climbed up the elevator shaft and killed many!

Let's have a closer look at the messages this demon is trying to convey:


Things like "Share the Harvest" and "Welcome!" and "Pumpkin Patch" adorn this nightmare, in an effort to distract you from its eyes and shady grin, which scream "KILL! KILL! KILL!"

Luckily, I snapped a picture of this straw killer just before the apartment maintenance guy threw it away. I wanted to tell him that he should burn the thing, for it's the only way to truly destroy it...but he doesn't really speak a lot of English, and I didn't want to frighten him any more than he already was.

Instead, I asked him if he was tossing it in the trash. He told me yes, that he has to clean this table almost every day. He seemed annoyed by it...but maybe he was just irritated by my almost accusatory tone. (Yes--that thing is terrifying...but he's upsetting the fragile eco-system of the NeighborGoodies table!)