Samantha Who?

I get weirdly excited when I see cardboard boxes on the NeighborGoodies table. Generally, they are crammed with infinite pieces of crazy--all combined into one convenient container for us to enjoy!

Here's a look at today's box!


These giant pink high heel shoes are made up of clear plastic in the middle so that the sides of your feet get exposed. I'm not a big Shoe-guy, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to meet a woman wearing a pair of shoes like this. They can't be comfortable...and if a woman can wear them, then she's probably undead.

Next up:

This is the first time anyone's name has been on a NeighborGoodie. Unfortunately, I don't know anyone named Samantha in the building. What is this woman thinking? Why not just throw this in the trash? The probability of someone named Samantha entering NeighborGoodies Central and impulsively deciding to claim this useless piece of personalized poo is pretty low. Whoever this Samantha chick is really wasn't thinking things through.

Especially when she purchased this. . .


A pair of turquoise terrycloth pants. What the hell, Samantha? There was a matching shirt that I didn't have time to take a photo of, for fear of getting caught. But I can assure you, it was equally hideous.

And finally, this 'classic' "I'm a Pepper" shirt celebrating Dr. Pepper's commercials from the 70s and 80s:

As usual, I started to wonder about the type of person Samantha is. While the pop culturiness of the Dr. Pepper shirt leads me to think she might be kind of cool in that she respects her beverage heritage...it seems incongruous with the rest of her Florida grandma wardrobe and her hilariously uptight warning signage. Of course, she is giving all these things away, clearly unaware that the Hipsters would buy a Dr. Pepper shirt like that for approximately $65 if found on Melrose.

Armed with a single name. . .I decided I would try to find out who this Samantha girl is in my building. I wandered the halls for a while shouting her name, but no one bit. Samantha's in hiding!

I need to be armed with more than a name, so I went to the NeighborGoodies Art Department for some help. After moments of work, they put together an image of what she might look like. . .and I will say there are several women who fit this description living in luxury in this building. I'll keep an eye out for her--and you should, too!