Whipped Cream

This morning's item up for grabs is this lovely "lightly-whipped" body lotion.


The packaging looks straight out of the seventies in every aspect, aside from presence of a web site address, which leads you to a line of beauty products "from New York's hottest spa." They sell everything from creams to sneakers to bras and underwear. They also have "Skinny Jeans," hair dryers and some sort of anti-aging beauty product line with a slogan like "The Youth, the Whole Youth and Nothing But The Youth." So help me, God.

Whatever is on their website, can't quite compare to what's on this box of crazy, which includes a helpful BlissTip...


...and some very interesting Instructions for Use:


I must apologize for the poor quality of the Instructions, but I snapped the photo and ran off this morning because someone was coming in. Clearly, no one in the building can know about this project, for it may upset the fragile eco-system of the laundry giveaways. Anyway, I'd like to point out my favorite part of the packaging (click it for a better, albeit blurry, view):


The last line is amazing: "Slather from the neck down after cleansing. . .giving extra attention to elbows, knees, feet and other areas that look a little lizard-like."

What sort of amphibious creatures are living in my complex? Although the manager's office smells like Swamp Thing, I have never seen any scales on anyone wandering the halls. Maybe I need to pay more attention. Or maybe they just have a healthy supply of the Bliss Moisturizing Mousse.