Orange You In Love?

I think we all know how exciting it is to find a box of something on the NeighborGoodies Table. Why, they're could be anything inside...

...well, anything except an actual fresh and juicy orange, that is. As I gazed upon this tin of citrus amazement, I couldn't help but wonder what it contained...

and whether it would, indeed, eat the fruit of the orchard. Could this thing contain some sort of blight designed to wipe out the citrus crop? I was terrified to open it--I certainly wouldn't want to cause a nationwide bout of scurvy by unleashing whatever orchard-eating organism could be inside! Is this a true-life Pandora's Box right here in the Luxurious Hollywood Hills?

I briefly considered just leaving it be, but then common sense took over and I opened it to discover...

...a sack of Valentine's Day Sweethearts. Valentine's Day has a track record of being pretty bleak here in the land of NeighborGoodies. And based on the rest of the items surrounding these Message Hearts, I'm going to go ahead and assume that this VD was no different--it just took longer for the evidence to appear. Imagine if you will a romantic dinner:

Girl makes delicious dinner for Boy.
Boy brings an assortment of gifts for Girl. Many of which involve flowers and candy. One of which involves this item to rest whatever dessert Girl has made:


"Girls Love To Feel Special," is the inscription here, but the implied message reads "...when they are allowed to serve their man dessert."

Now I love cake as much as the next guy, but giving your lady this cake server for Valentine's Day is just asking for trouble.... and for a night on the sofa with only a burlap sack for warmth:

Personally... I'd rather have scurvy.

Forbidden Love

Over the weekend, love & romance filled the hearts of many people around the world for Valentine's Day. It was a time to cuddle with a loved one, have a romantic dinner, nibble on some chocolates perhaps... and most of all, to lose yourself within the undying love of your partner.

Except for those of us who are still alone. We got F'd. Again.

One NeighborGooder who has clearly been getting F'd over and over again on Valentine's Day, has finally decided to rid herself of the terrible gifts she's gotten over the years on this hopelessly idiotic holiday:

Although candles can be romantic in the proper context, the "Forbidden Fruit" candle-in-a-jar is really not the route to go when buying fire for your partner. Despite the label urging you to "Light a candle, create your own moments... often," the moments created by the stench of the Forbidden Fruit are often accompanied by dizziness, nausea and vomiting.

Or perhaps those are just side effects of this woman being roofied by her Valentine.

This woman was also presented with some fancy perfume to help spice things up:

The bottle looks cool, but no matter what I did to it, the genie wouldn't come out. Useless.

Also useless:
This pair of pink square earrings with some sort of... something drawn on them is really just the worst gift anyone could get on Valentine's Day; even if they were given in the 1980's when these things were somehow real items.

I really can't tell what the design is supposed to be. Are they birds? Some sort of music notes? Bagpipes? It's impossible to discern, mostly because I took a pretty crappy job of photographing these items. I was in a rush as I heard voices coming towards the Laundry Room, and I certainly don't want to be caught taking pictures of things on the Big Blue Table.

What would the neighbors think? I'm the one judging them, it can't be the other way around. It's unnatural.