By Wrapping Paper of St. Paul, Minnesota! Thanks, Tim!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Office Space

The generosity from the residents of this building never ceases to amaze me. This weekend, apparently, someone cleaned out their home office, providing the basic building blocks to any small business ideas the neighbors might have, but perhaps didn't have the capital to make it a reality. This is the big break you've been waiting for!

You can't go wrong with this FREE Color Printer:

This Color StyleWriter 4500 was, according to this Wikipedia article, made in 1997. . .and discontinued in 1998. And judging by the level of dust and grime inside of this beast, that's probably the last time anyone has ever used this 4 color inkjet printer!

But the crustiness factor doesn't stop here. If you want to make sure you're infected with something, you should probably pick up this phone:

I'm not sure what the stain is on the bottom of the receiver. . .

. . .but I do know there is more of it inside:

Maybe this phone was used to dial 911 as someone was being stabbed in the face.

Or maybe someone just spilled some soda on it. . .either way, I touched it and will likely either end up in jail or in the hospital because of it.

In addition to a phone, a printer, no small business can run without light! And Lo, there was Light!

And, to back up all of your accounting and database information, you'll need this 2GB Jaz Drive for mac or PC!

Part of me was tempted to bring this baby home and see what sort of data exists on it...but then I lost interest. You should, too.

This decorative pillow, however, should re-pique your interest. (can interest be re-piqued?)

Set in Japan, this turquoise monstrosity is remarkably stain-and-tassle-free!

And every home-business needs a mascot!

This scary-ass doll comes with a stand that makes it hunch over horrifically:

Call me weird, but I sense a great deal of terror emanating from this doll. I'm almost as terrified of her as I was of Esmerelda from my Road Trip of 2005.

In fact, the hunched over angle of this doll matches that of this broken humidifier, also up for grabs in the laundry room:

I'm sure that this doll had something to do with the demise of this humidifier, as well as the demise of the home business that has liquidated its assets to the NeighborGoodie gods. I also have a theory that she's likely also the one who stabbed the 911 caller in the face.

Then she carried everything downstairs to lure some unsuspecting innocent soul into her cursed-antique antics, ala Friday The 13th The Series. She probably broke her spine while hauling the home office downstairs into the laundry room.

Good. The bitch deserves it.

And if Robey comes by, I'm not home. In other news, Robey has a myspace.

Ok, I gottago.


dmd said...

I had that same printer stuffed under my desk in my last classroom. It was shoved under there with the 1995 Mac with the 5 inch floppy drive. You know the one where the monitor and computer were one in the same. Quite a piece of machinery.

Kate said...

Is that doll supposed to be a Christmas tree angel? Well, I use the term "angel" loosely since it seems more than a little bit scary.

-Kate, friend of dmd "FODMD"