By Wrapping Paper of St. Paul, Minnesota! Thanks, Tim!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Toast of the Town

Recently, a surprisingly high percentage of NeighborGoodies seem to be coming from kitchens and bathrooms here in this Luxurious Hollywood Hills complex. Personally, I like knowing that what I have in my bathroom and in my kitchen wasn't in someone else's bathroom or kitchen at any point in their history. I just don't want anyone's used bathroom anything--and likewise for the kitchen.

Especially when said kitchen item is directly involved with Food Preparation:

No one ever gets a new toaster until you absolutely need it. And you know when you absolutely need it because when a toaster breaks, it really breaks. So, I can only assume that this toaster is very, very broken, and likely of no real use to anyone, unless you're taking it into the bathtub.

Growing up, my parents had a toaster that used to shoot sparks out of it. This was normal to me, and I just assumed the sparks were cooking the toast. I remember my dad always having to stick a knife in the toaster in order to get the bread out of it, once it had been charred beyond recognition. (A golden brown piece of toast wasn't ever really an option until the arrival of a new toaster that showed up when I was in 3rd or 4th grade. . .)

Anyway, by the time our first toaster retired, it looked kind of like this--covered in rust and pieces of burnt bread:

NeighborGoodies Central smelled like a bad mix of bleach and burnt rye bread this weekend because of this beast. I took it upon myself to inspect the little crumb drawer--which, in many cases, is the source of such odors:

I'd say there's at least six months' worth of toaster crumbs in there. It's practically a meal!
Just slap some eggs on it and you'll be in heaven!

Of course, the most disturbing part of this NeighborGoodie is that it disappeared within a matter of hours, leaving only a small pile of crumbs behind in its place. So someone in my building thought: "Ooh, used cookery!" and took it home. Once again, here's the reason I don't eat at any of the neighbors' places. Of course, no one's invited me...but if they dared to, I'd still say no. Because ewww.

...At least you can rest assured knowing that no one has taken the Bathroom Goodies from late last week. Apparently, even the scavengers in this building have their limits. So I guess the lesson really is, you can use their bathrooms, but don't take a snack from anyone in the building.

No comments: