Holy Wars

Apparently the Mormon DVDs from yesterday didn't sit too well with someone, as they were replaced with several homemade bible quotes:

But these aren't just any old Bible Quotes. We're not talking the hits here, like "An Eye for an Eye" or any sort of Christmas or Easter story. No, these are passages from the rarely-quoted books of the Philippians and Ephesians. I went to Catholic school for 12 years and I'm only dimly aware of their existence because even our priests didn't care about them.

This is exactly like when a radio station refuses to play your favorite songs, instead opting for 'deeper cuts' to try to be edgy. Guess what? No one cares. People don't want to hear anything by Bon Jovi except for "Living on a Prayer," and even that's pushing it. Likewise with these Bible Quotes: If you're not going to overtly threaten us with fire and brimstone--the good stuff--why bother printing these ridiculous passages (on pastel paper, no less)?

What kind of person would specifically print out bible quotes (suitable for framing!) to place on the NeighborGoodies table? I think it must be some former man or woman of the cloth, or perhaps the retired substitute teacher that is roaming the halls of this building. She may have decided that our depraved lives of luxury in the Hollywood Hills are leading us down a dangerous path, and that we need a big ole Cup of Jesus to help us through the day.

Or perhaps these are the first bold steps in a Hollywood Hills Holy War. First Mormon DVDs, then Bible Quotes. Soon there will be statues that cry blood, potato chips in the shape of Mary, and NeighborGoodies suicide bombers. It's really only a matter of time before someone winds up being crucified on the big, blue table. I just hope to God it isn't me, because I have stuff to do. Like take photos of said crucifixion and write about it.