By Wrapping Paper of St. Paul, Minnesota! Thanks, Tim!

Monday, February 9, 2009

If The Whore-Clothes Fit...

After a solid week of guesses, I am proud to announce that the First NeighborGoodies Contest is officially over, and now we can all move on with our lives. Find out who won after I tell you about these NeighborGoodies!

Over the weekend, a Whore NeighborGooder dropped off a bunch of her clothes, many of them plaid...
...or otherwise hideous:
From those piles, you can't really tell that she's a whore. But trust me, she is. Look at this under-sized Coca Cola T-shirt depicting Atlanta:

There's also this tiny tee...
...telling us she feels she is a TKO: Total Knock Out. And then there are these teeensy weensy itty bitty shorts....

...which are clearly designed to expose the wearer's hoo-ha.

I know, I know... I can hear you all saying, "These tiny articles of clothing alone do not make her a whore!" Maybe not. But this does:

A stripper shirt from the Sapphire Gentlemen's Club--the Largest Strip Club IN THE WORLD--located, of course, in Las Vegas. The LA Times describes it as "71,000 Square Feet of Nakedity," and tells of glass-bottomed floors that the "gentlemen" can stand beneath in order to see the girls dance above them. I hope for their sake that none of the dancers are wearing these panties:

...which, for some reason, are emblazoned with a Felix the Cat logo at the waistband.

This outfit seems like a terrible combination. Granted, I'm not exactly the target audience for female strippers, but this just cannot be sexy to anyone:

Can it?

The grossness factor is brought home by the fact that the NeighborGoodies Table has never looked so filthy. I shudder to think about how much vagina, ass and desperate man-juice is covering these items. You don't even need a blacklight to detect the nastiness here. Click on any of the photos above for a full-sized view of the stainery on the Big Blue Table.

Luckily,the prize in the Get the Goodie competition was taken off the table before any of these soiled garments showed up.

Now...let's finish up this effing contest once and for all!

First of all, thanks for making the first NeighborGoodies contest a success! While no one really got the item right... one person did come close enough to guessing what was inside of this box:

That person, known only as "Brian" from Allston, Massachusettes... wherever the hell that is.... guessed a "Sprite™ Radio." And, although I was quite clear in stating that the item was not Lymon-related, he did manage to guess the item itself correctly, even if the brand was off.

NeighborGoodies Enthusiasts, behold the item that is inside the Lemon/Lime box:











A Garnier Fructis mini-radio that was FREE with the purchase of some of their Fortifying Shampoo!

Kind of a let-down, isn't it?

Anyway, congratulations Brian! You can expect to enjoy your lime green radio (for dry or damaged hair) along with your 98˚ autographed CD cover very soon!

Just be glad you're not getting Felix the Cat underwear.

Thanks to everyone who played! And remember, you didn't lose this contest... you just won less™.


Kate said...

What could be more disgusting than someone else's used undies? Ugh, I don't want to think about it.

Ludovica said...

LOL you totally kill me! So so funny!
tho I am less squeamish about the undies than the stripper shirt. Undies will wash clean but that strip joint logo is there forever.
So.. Fructis radio? it all makes perfect sense now of course. D'oh!
Have another contest soon please?