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By Wrapping Paper of St. Paul, Minnesota! Thanks, Tim!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Run? Like Hell!

Today, we have the tragic tale of a boy cut down in his prime. Not by a murderer, like many of the other stories here at NeighborGoodies, but by three of the most self-destructive traits known to man. They are, in order of t-shirt appearance: Athleticism....

...Good Will...

...and, worst of all, Education.


What in the world could possibly possess a young man, seemingly with limitless potential, to throw is life away by working hard to get into shape, and then competing not only in "fun runs" such as Nike's Run Hit Wonder (featuring Tone Loc and Devo!), but in "Charity" events like the "Run for the Zoo" for Chicago's Lincoln Park? And then, after spending time in Chicago on these fruitless exercises, to then move to LA, live in Luxury in the Hollywood Hills and join up with the UCLA Track Team? Where does this jerk get off?

Helping people? An Education? Fitness? Where is that gonna land you? I'll tell you where in three words and one picture:


The E/R.

Ok, so that's one word and two letters. And a backslash. But you get the point. Clearly, this guy's flagrant showboating eventually caught up with him as he punctured both his ankles during one of his cockamamie workout routines.

So, I'm pretty sure the lesson here is: Stay out of school, eat some cupcakes and be selfish... and you will continue to live a normal, healthy existence.

You're welcome.




2 comments:

Ludovica said...

LMAO! Couldn't agree more..

BTW I bet the local hospital would like the crutches back

chicagofish said...

Aw man...I really wanted to go to that "One-Hit Wonders" show here in Chicago. Thanks for reopening a painful scar, dude.