By Wrapping Paper of St. Paul, Minnesota! Thanks, Tim!

Monday, January 26, 2009

The Nightmare After Christmas

It's shocking to me that a full month after the holiday, people in my building are still getting rid of their dead Christmas trees. Every few days since the beginning of the year, the elevators and halls get littered with the brownish/green remains of these ghosts of Christmas past, as they are dragged through the building and left on the curb outside.

Likewise, there's been lots of Holiday-Themed NeighborGoodies dragged onto the Big Blue Table since the Holidays have ended. Decorations so hideous, they are sure to ruin anyone's good cheer with swift, unholy vigor.

The following items, though not nearly as terrifying, are also pretty hideous in their own way:

These two stockings, one with a snowman, the other a reindeer, also feature items such as pink hearts and yellow stars. Frankly, I'm surprised there isn't a leprechaun on the back.

As awful as those stockings are, they are nothing compared to this Homemade Wicker Beast:

This hollow star-shaped horror is filled with Christmas balls, holly and, for some reason, acorns. Because nothing says Christmas like wicker-enclosed acorns. I've had nightmares where I'm stuck inside of contraptions just like this. Only instead of wicker, it's made of barbed wire. And instead of Christmas Balls, it's filled with demons. Weirdly, the holly and acorns are the same.

What on earth would possess someone to make such a thing? Were they looking for a holiday version of a Dream Catcher? Is this some sort of cursed object designed to prevent the Christmas Spirit from entering whoever dares hang this on their tree? Or does the maker simply love wicker and hate the holidays?

Whatever the reason, I believe their message was clear: "Bah, Humbug.... OR DIE!"

1 comment:

Ludovica said...

OMG, I am laughing so hard I near pmp.
I saw it and thought .. Yikes! Dreamcatcher from Hell!! then read on and I see great minds think alike (or fools seldom differ or something)
it also made me think of the Wicker Man and I started feeling compassion for the baubles and pine cones, as I think they were destined for some nightmarish Hollywoodized version of Up-Helly-Aa.. as if anything more nightmarish than Up-Helly-Aa is possible anyway.

I do have to say however that that doesn't actually look all that home made though, it looks more like the decorations for sale at the local Plants and Garden centre. I can easily imagine some sullen 16 year old trainee being set to make a dozen of these for "work experience training" in some remote glass-house to keep him/her out of the way of the people doing the real work.. I know this because...? I had a job like that once myself.