By Wrapping Paper of St. Paul, Minnesota! Thanks, Tim!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Dirty Devils

Howdy! Hope your Halloween weekend was full of spooky, scary fun! The NeighborGoodies Table certainly saw its share of Halloween adventures over the weekend. On Saturday, this pre-packaged "Sinister Devil" costume showed up:

Despite one of Satan's sleeves hanging out of the bag, this costume appeared to be unused, the result of Halloween plans falling through, I assumed. But then a few hours later, this pitchfork appeared:
I realized that while Devil costume was, in fact, unused, the pitchfork wasn't there when I first took the photo of the costume-in-a-bag. What sort of Halloween Chicanery is this!? Why would someone remove the pitchfork from the costume? Clearly, there's something unholy happening in the halls here in the Hollywood Hills.

Here are the facts:

1. "Sinister Devil" costume is left, pitchfork having been removed.
2. "Sinister Devil" pitchfork shows up hours later, after someone had already taken the costume off the table, presumably to use it for a party on Saturday evening.
3. Someone clearly removed the pitchfork from the costume in order to use it in some sort of Halloween Massacre™.
4. In addition to the Pitchfork, two other possible murder weapons were found on the Big Blue Table! This pair of expensive, deadly scissors:

...which was clearly used to stab someone after the pitchfork had already been inserted into an oraface. Then there's this extremely dangerous... cream scooper... which was likely used to carve out eyes and brains of the Sinister Devil's victim!

A body has not yet been recovered in the neighborhood, but these pieces of terrifying evidence continue to pile up. Including the most frightening item of all:

...the young co-ed victim's pink thong! Because unless you were dead, there is NO OTHER REASON to leave your dirty effing underwear on my NeighborGoodies Table.

Clearly, not enough people were killed in my building over Halloween.

Umm...I mean "Have a great week!"

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