The Hole Truth

Today we have a basket:

And inside this basket, we've got a small selection of random NeighborGoodies:

I'm not actually sure what this neon green rectangle is. It's spongy, and since I don't know any better, I am going to have to assume that it is some sort of feminine hygiene product. It makes me wonder if this basket was actually someone's trash can before it became a NeighborGoodie.

It wouldn't surprise me at all, considering what else is in there:

What you're seeing now is a hand-held single hole puncher, some correction tape... and, my personal favorite, a plastic knife.

In the interest of fair and accurate reporting, I feel I should tell you now that I am a big fan of office supplies. I love going to stores like Staples and Office Depot and wandering the aisles. I don't know why, but I just love my accordion folders and my postage scale... and yes, my correction tape.

I know I have no practical use for it, but it is effing cool. I love white out as well, although I currently don't have any. Perhaps some kind NeighborGooder will change that in the future.

While I am pro-correction tape, I always was pretty much against the hand-held hole puncher. Even more useless to me than the correction tape, this instrument is designed to create one single hole in your paper. This item has always been a mystery to me. My mother (Tina) had one of these things when I was growing up and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what the hell I was supposed to do with it. Judging by Tina's reaction, I was definitely not supposed to be using it to chop individual strands of our carpet ("mowing the rug") or poke holes in my shirt (playing "moth.")

But I did some research for you, kind NeighborGoodies Enthusiast, to unlock the Mystery of the Hole Punch. According to this awesome article at about.com, the hole punch was invented in 1885 by Benjamin Smith. It was originally called the Conductor's Punch, and is still used to mark train tickets to this day:

It's Patented!

A few years later, a guy named Charles Brooks improved upon the original design. Always concerned with keeping things tidy (he also invented the street sweeper!), Charles attached a little trap to capture all the round paper (or carpet) clippings, so that there wouldn't be any litter!

And yet, in a cruel twist of fate, his invention has been placed in a wicker rubbish receptacle... on a table full of waste... in a building full of white trash that no amount of correction tape can erase.