By Wrapping Paper of St. Paul, Minnesota! Thanks, Tim!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

The Shirts off Your Back

Some guy left behind a pretty extensive pile of clothes...
...including many "ironic" t-shirts. Now, don't get me wrong: I'm all for wacky t-shirts. I have quite a collection of them, mostly from

Threadless is good because there are lots of secretly awesome shirts--Shirts that are funny or cool without trying too hard. In other words, they are the exact opposite of the shirts that are found on the NeighborGoodies Table.

First up, we've got "The King of Ink" t-shirt...

I'm not saying this t-shirt is lame... but while doing research on it, I found out that this logo is from a short film. The film's website offers little insight about the movie itself, other than this one-liner: "Brought to life by a freak accident, tattoos seeking a purpose for their new lives search for their mythical leader--The King of Ink."

I'll admit: That sounds kind of like a cool idea for a short film. But other than this sentence, there's nothing else on the site about the movie. Is it a comedy? Adventure? Coming of Age? Or is it so lame that it defies genre altogether? The two available clips are nothing more than short, unimpressive flash animations that repeat themselves over and over again.

I'm worried that someone from the cast or crew is the NeighborGooder who dropped this shirt off. Or, more likely, someone from the building got the shirt by attending a screening of this stink-ink film to support a friend and immediately needed to get rid of the evidence.

While they were at it, they cleaned out the rest of their shit-shirt collection:

This one says, "Sometimes I like to run around in my underroos for no reason." Here's the thing, hipster: It's not funny. You can't just refer to something from childhood and expect to get a laugh. Everyone thinks that because Family Guy has constant references to pop culture past and present, it automatically gives them permission to just put a word like "underroos" on a shirt and expect to be treated as clever or creative. The problem, of course, is that Family Guy is fucking hilarious, and you are not.

I'm talking to you, Dane Cook.

Here's another one:

I think you've figured out by now that I'm a nerd. But guess what--most of the people wearing this shirt think it's cool to heart nerds after beating the shit out of them for 12 years of grade school and high school. Oh, now suddenly you heart nerds? Because back in the day, I'm pretty sure you tried to flush my fucking head down the toilet. Love you, too, assface.

And then there's this thing:

Here, we've got all six Village People re-imagined as Easter favorites, Marshmallow Peeps.

Village PEEPS?

hmmm... actually, I'll admit it: I like food-related comedy, so I'll let this one slide. But I still wouldn't wear this thing.


Sean Pete said...

Um... dare I even think about the idea of a NeighborGoodies eBay account?

...not that I'm committing to buying "Village Peeps" but I'd at least bid... depending upon how massive the blood stains are. I do assume all NeighborGoodies items, like a Sarah Silverman routine have blood stains.

Lucia Pamela said...

Well, I originally came to the comment section to reference your post and ask that you give me the names of the assholes who beat you up at school because I really enjoy humiliating bullies.(And I was very good at it in high school. Everyone has a talent.)

But now I see that sean pete wants you to open an EBAY account for your BLOG. And it makes me want to flush his head down the toilet.

Anonymous said...

Come on, Village Peeps? Yes you would.