Basket Case

Normally when I see a big box on the NeighborGoodies Table, I get pretty excited about the amount of random stuff it could contain. But when a box contains only two items, it's usually either very disappointing or very terrifying to me. This one is both:

It contains a yellow, green, red & basket-colored basket along with a (mercifully empty, but totally oversized) tissue holder--complete with grapes painted on the side. I like that they put these two worthless things together into a giant box and placed them on the NeighborGoodies table. Isn't a basket's sole purpose to easily carry other objects around? Why not just put the hideous grape ceramic monstrosity into the equally hideous rainbow basket? Why introduce another vessel into the mix...

...especially one bearing the words "Stuffed Animals" in red sharpie?

I think what bothers me the most about this item is what isn't included: The Stuffed Animals themselves. I can only deduce that this box was emptied of its furry, childish contents before being filled with unwanted basketry and grapeyness. Call me old-fashioned, but I believe if you're grown-up enough to move into a Luxurious Apartment in the Hollywood Hills, chances are you didn't need to bring an entire box of stuffed animals with you.

The worst part is, you just know those stuffed animals are sitting wide-eyed on the unused side of a middle-aged actress's bed as she runs lines from a script of a terrible play she's writing. After she thanks them for being such a kind and attentive audience, she treats them all to a tea party before curling up with her favorites. As she cries herself awake the next morning, the cycle begins again--only this time, Betty Basketcase won't have the ceramic tissue holder to slow her down as she reaches for her Kleenex! Way to purge, Betty!