By Wrapping Paper of St. Paul, Minnesota! Thanks, Tim!

Monday, August 4, 2008

All Washed Up! (Or: Beach Blanket Found-o!)

NeighborGoodies is proud to give you pretty much everything you'll need for a day of Summer Fun! First up is this portable Radio/CD Player--in a lovely shade of NeighborGoodies Table Blue!

It's perfect for the beach or any BBQ's you might be having this summer... except that the lid to the CD player doesn't actually close, so you are likely to get a laser in your eye if you try to operate it. On the bright side, you can use it to heat up your hamburger or hot dog buns, or even provide your guests with digital-quality LASIK surgery while they enjoy your homemade potato salad!

As you know, you'll need to wait a half hour after eating before you go in the water. After all, you don't want to get a cramp and drown! But what will you and your friends do until then?

Why not play a water-based game of cards, such as Go-Fish...
. . .using these playing cards that someone inexplicably spent over ten dollars on.

Of course, after a long day of burning meat and corneas, you might just want to curl up with a good book while your fellow beach-goers swim and/or recuperate from surgery. And who doesn't like to soak up the sun while reading a good, relaxing, light-hearted summer romp?

And finally, no trip to the beach can be complete without a pair of sand-filled sneakers. Luckily, these have been graciously pre-sanded and left on the NeighborGoodies table for all to use:

These size 9 Nikes, full of sand, pebbles and, most likely, fungus were enough to gross out even the Sassy Russian Maintenance Man who works in the apartment building to ensure that our Lives continue to be Luxurious here in the Hollywood Hills. Just after I snapped this photo, I heard him coming toward the laundry room, so I pretended to be looking for my keys. (After all, secrecy is of the utmost importance here at NeighborGoodies--we wouldn't want anyone in the building finding out about this little project, for fear that its integrity could be compromised!)

Anyway, when he saw the sneakers, the Sassy Russian Maintenance Man just groaned: "Used pair of shoes! Come ON! Why?!" I wanted to tell him my theories: That it could have been a neighbor whose day at the beach was mired in tragedy--perhaps by a shark attack or a jellyfish bite--so he purged everything about that day by from his life. Or the shoes could have been the spoils in a bitter and extremely sad game of strip poker. Or maybe--just maybe--someone's girlfriend decided to throw out the most disgusting pair of sneakers ever, and left them on the NeighborGoodies table so that the odor wouldn't eat through their trashcan. Either way, there's not enough Febreze or Gold Bond medicated foot powder to ever make these shoes wearable again, so the Russian Maintenance Man disposed of them properly. Then his hands fell off.

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