By Wrapping Paper of St. Paul, Minnesota! Thanks, Tim!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008


The closest grocery store to my Luxurious Apartment in the Hollywood Hills happens to be the last Mayfair Market in the entire city. Once a popular and proud brand (Even The Brady's shopped there!) the Mayfair is now slowly being converted into a Gelson's.

The changes have been vast within the walls of the Mayfair as it preps for the rebranding. Gone are the standard grocery store conveyor belts at the checkout lanes. They've been replaced with tiny, boring, unmoving counters which force you to carry your products up until the customer in front of you is finished. You then hand your items over to the cashier, who removes them from your basket or cart, scans them and places them on the post-cashier conveyor belt.

The only real reason I can fathom for this change to the grocery store status quo is to add extra minutes to your time in front of the candy rack. The removal of the initial conveyor belt leaves you standing there for an extra 2-3 minutes per transaction with nothing to do, giving you more time to familiarize yourself with all the new Mentos products and candy bars displayed by the registers. Why else would you mess with a system that has worked since grocery stores were invented?

They also cut the space between you and the cashier in half, so you are right up in their grill, and they up in yours.

Suffice it to say, I hate the changes. And apparently, one of the NeighborGooders does as well, judging by this piece of clothing:

This chef's coat with the Gelson's logo emblazoned on the sleeve provides one of two theories: First, the NeighborGooder worked at the Mayfair and, when presented with his new Gelson's uniform, rightly took it home and promptly discarded it. Or more likely, one of the local NeighborGooders was fed up with the way his or her grocery store was being revamped, so they snapped, killed the butcher, assumed his identity, ground his body into hamburger patties then placed their victim's uniform on the NeighborGoodies table.

If for some reason you need to read more of my crankiness about this grocery store, head on over to All Bitched Up--a bitterly hilarious new complaint-driven blog that I contribute to. There, you'll be able to read about my run-in with a surly cashier at the market over the weekend.

Meanwhile, if I were you, I'd stick to the chicken at the Mayfair.


Kate said...

That just sounds silly. Although I guess I go to a grocery store where you pull your cart right up to the cashier who unloads everything for you.

I haven't been here in a while and you got all fancy--wow! Love the theme song!

Lucia Pamela said...

I prefer to imagine that someone in your building had a torrid affair with the butcher at Gelson's....and THEN chopped his body into ground meat.