By Wrapping Paper of St. Paul, Minnesota! Thanks, Tim!

Monday, March 3, 2008

Formula for Nastiness

I am definitely not okay with today's Neighborgoodies. There have been some dirty, gross items left behind.... but these might just be the most offensive so far. First up. . .

. . .we have three OPENED tins of Baby Formula! Because you definitely want to feed your precious newborn from discarded, used containers of food. I don't have any kids, but I imagine if I did, I wouldn't be too eager to feed my child something I found in my laundry room.

Each of these containers has a different baby formula. The yellow can contains Enfamil Lipil with Iron! It is their "closest formula to breast milk." The only thing that could be more inappropriate than canned baby food is perhaps a bottle of fresh breast milk on the NeighborGoodies table.

The Pink Similac container is the "Isomil Advance soy formula" which is "for fussiness, gas and spit-up." Perhaps I need a dose of this myself, for I am fussy and want to spit up due to the nature of this next set of Neighborgoodies:

Valued readers, I present you with not one, but two. . .USED BIKINIS:

These two-piece blue floral used bikinis are just the bottom of the NeighborGoodies barrel. (Well, at least I hope they are. . .) What is the thought process here? God only knows what sort of funk these things are housing...especially if either of these were worn in the nasty jacuzzi that was just installed in the back of the building. (Seriously--it really is Luxury Living in the Hollywood Hills here.)

As the weather gets nicer here in LA, I'm terrified that I am going to see one of my Neighbors wearing these bikinis around the building and spit up all over them.

Maybe these bikinis will bring them luck. Perhaps they will be out sunbathing by the pool one day, and one of the desperate actor-y neighbors who lives in the building will find the lady quite fetching. They'll begin a whole new life together as one, all because she took a used bikini off the NeighborGoodies table. And before long, they'll have a beautiful baby together...Hopefully, she took the baby formula as well.

I'm feeling a little colicky.

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