Baby Overboard

I'm pretty sure you know what my policy will be on this item:

Who would leave such a thing on the table? And furthermore, who is this for? Who's taking a used baby bottle to feed their own infant?

I can hear at least one person saying it now: "Well, in this economy, people need any help they can get."

To anyone who offers this argument, allow me to offer you a punch in the throat. Nobody Living in Luxury in the Hollywood Hills wants to save four bucks by taking a used-and-probably poison-riddled ba-ba from a faceless stranger. Unless, of course, the baby mama is looking for one less mouth to feed. Basically, this is the equivalent of giving the kid some bleach to swallow in the laundry room... except the bleach is cleaner and you probably know where it's been.

Instead of infanticide, perhaps you might consider leaving your unwanted baby in this basket that was also abandoned on the Big Blue Table:

I mean... it turned out pretty well for Moses:

Note: This is not actually Moses.