By Wrapping Paper of St. Paul, Minnesota! Thanks, Tim!

Friday, May 8, 2009

Part of Your Complete Breakfast

Today we have everything you could possibly need to brighten up your morning. Some NeighborGooder was quite obviously cleaning out their Luxurious Hollywood Hills kitchen and disposed of essentials such as...

...the best selling "Joy of Cooking." Since its first printing in 1931 (!!) this book has found its way into just about everyone's kitchen. Well, everyone's except mine because I don't know how to cook. In fact, I don't know anything about anything in the kitchen, except how to eat. And make a mess. Those are the two things I do well. And while I do make a hell of a Banana Surprise and a decent bowl of cereal, there is no Joy in Cooking for me. I could even toast a bagel if I really put my mind to it... but they always get so stale! What's a boy to do?

Oh, I know! A Bagel Jar™!

I've never seen a container like this, so I'm happy that it is very clearly labeled. I don't say this very often in connection with items on the Big Blue Table, but these two items might actually be of use to someone. A recipe book and a relatively clean-looking storage container for your delicious bagels really aren't so bad, compared to what's usually in the laundry room. Hey, if they weren't sitting on a table that was crawling with infectious diseases, I might even advocate taking these things.

Even this 1960's era percolator isn't so bad, really:

I mean, I'd certainly never drink anything out of it (Remember The Golden Rule: We Must Never Consume Anything from the NeighborGoodies Table!) but it'd be a cool decorative piece.

Even if, for some reason, you did want to drink out of it, I'm not sure if you could:

I don't know what the insides of a percolator is supposed to look like, but I'm pretty sure this is not it:

Or maybe it is. I don't know crap about Hippie-era technology.
But one thing I do know: That 40 year old percolator is in WAY better condition than this ultra-modern pile of filth:
Let me give you a closer look at this thing:

As you can see, this is a whole new level of disgustingness, even for the NeighborGoodies Table.
I can't help but wonder if this was left by the same guy who dropped off the nasty water purifier not too long ago.

Like I said, I don't know anything about kitchens, but I do know that this level of grime doesn't just happen. This was done out of spite. This has to be the result of some sort of argument between roommates over who does the dishes or who cleans the bathroom or who drank who's Yoo-hoo. It's as if they were using actual pieces of earth instead of coffee grounds to make their morning beverage. And while dirt is chock full of minerals, I think I'll stick with my Cheerios instead.

I joke about this a lot, but this time I mean it: If anyone tried to use this thing, they could ACTUALLY die. And not a fake comedy death... they would be, you know DEAD dead! And this was IN someone's apartment... for a LONG, LONG time by the looks of it.

And this is why we don't go to the Neighbors' places for brunch here in the Luxurious Hollywood Hills.

1 comment:

Ludovica said...

First up :

The Joy Of Cooking...

I completely agree.. where the hell is there joy in cooking? I think most *intelligent* women outgrow such blatantly errant programming by the time their hormones kick in and they realise that there is more to life than baking cupcakes on a Saturday afternoon; there's important stuff like "How to get an income that will pay a cook/housemaid to bake me cupcakes on a Saturday afternoon"
This is when the "Joy Of Cooking" gets rejected for "The Joy of Sex" and "The Sensuous Woman" by "J" (I suspect the SAME Neighborgooder TBH nudge nudge wink wink Shes slung out all the other manuals for life; spiritual and sensual and now practical

In 1931 the way to a mans heart was still via his stomach allegedly rather than something a little lower down, so maybe we can say that this is, in intention, a very similar "How to catch your man" type book to The Sensuous Woman By J, but for J's mother's generation? Ergo this book IS addressing the whole How to get the nice income and the maid thing, in contributing to the desirable accomplishments of an eligible bachelorette ~the Domestic Arts~
What sort of woman, in 1931, writes a cookbook called the Joy Of Cooking?
Evidently one who was a generation too soon for the Joy Of Sex, or had already been there, done that, got the tshirt to prove it and "that sort of thing" as my own grandmother coyly referred to sex, really was no big deal. Girls were taught to "lie back and think of England" and tbh before the 1960s, when sex was not an acceptable topic of conversation, I can well imagine "that sort of thing" was more than likely, for many women, more something to be endured than enjoyed through ignorance and general lack of prowess and proficiency (Hell, it still IS like that for a lot of people.. ) Maybe Cooking WAS preferable.
I ought to point out that my own utter disregard for all the feminine domestic arts might be construed as a fairly solid pointer to why I haven't had a date in seven years.. maybe I need this book actually.. but .... nahhhhhh, I'll pass thanks)

Second up...

Bagel Jar

Well I never had a bagel in my life before 2008. In the UK we have a BAZILLION nicer things to eat than bagels. We have proper bread for one thing, which I only saw once when I was in the USA, a beautiful solitary warm multigrain granary bread roll. It was the nicest thing I had to eat in the nine days I was in the country, and possibly the only truly edible thing there. I felt very privileged to be given The Only Real Bread In America. Thank you Hilton Hotel Scranton PA, its so good to know I was loved, if only for a moment.
Verdict...I dont really understand bagels. Theres no logic to them, but have to say I really enjoy their geometric topology. Theres something very mysterious and intriguing about a toroid, including why anyone might want to make one out of a dense and unpleasant pseudo bread type stuff and then cut it in half and put mushy stuff inside so it whooshes up your nostrils when you bite....sigh

Third up.....

Horrible nasty coffee pot thing that dates certainly well before 1975 I'd say. Oh dear, probably completely lethal, extraordinarily ugly and dirty, would not give tuppence for it. In its defence however, its very hideous angularity does make it hard to clean I bet. ugh shudder, shades of the Jumble Sale and Charity shop.. It really needs to be placed alongside a gaudy plaster cherub, a bottle green Dralon cushion and a dusty ashtray stencil printed with " A Present from Clacton-On Sea" beside it

Fourth up.....

Yeah its very dirty, but looks relatively modern and might be cleanable should one happen to want such a Yuppie-ish item clogging up precious kitchen worktop space. I have something similar that has been in a cupboard since 1991, so I'll pass.