By Wrapping Paper of St. Paul, Minnesota! Thanks, Tim!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Welcome to Hatepril

It is my sad duty to report that after nearly 150 posts and hundreds of trashy objects, NeigbhorGoodies is being forced to close. Apparently word got out about the blog a few weeks ago, and my kind & lovely neighbors have been quietly passing a petition around the building to have me removed from the premises for "spreading false lies about and within the community." If I exit within thirty days and cease blogging immediately, any and all pending litigation will be dropped and we can all move on with our lives.

There's been an outpouring of hate-mail taped to my front door, left on my car and placed on the NeighborGoodies Table itself, which is now under 24 hour surveillance it seems. People are swarming in the laundry room, screaming at me as I wait for the elevators while throwing eggs and feces at my upper body and torso. This is no way to live.

Who knew that insinuating that most of your neighbors are murderers would make them all kinds of cranky? They're beyond pissed, saying I've been making fools of them for too long, and so, on this April day, it ends: Out of fear for my life (One person threatened to beat me into a diabetic coma) I will begin packing immediately.

But one thing's for sure... I won't be putting any of my unwanted items on that table.

Good Day, Fools.


Anonymous said...

Beat you into a diabetic coma, huh?
If the college nights didn't do that, nothing will.

Kate said...

Happy April Fools!

Ludovica said...

I think this would have worked so much better had I seen it yesterday... *sigh*