By Wrapping Paper of St. Paul, Minnesota! Thanks, Tim!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

No Thanks.

Hi! I hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving! I certainly had a blast, but I can't say the same for some NeighborGooders who seem to have spent the last few days trying to eliminate all memories of the weekend.

Holidays are always stressful no matter what--especially if you have guests in town--so it doesn't seem all that strange to me that immediately after a Big Holiday Meal, someone unceremoniously dumped their plates, their pots. . .

. . .and their silverware onto the NeighborGoodies Table...

...almost, it seems, in an effort to ensure that no one can ever come to their Luxurious Home in the Hollywood Hills for a holiday meal again. Based on the overwhelming circumstantial evidence, I believe I can piece together what occurred on this Thanksgiving in the Hollywood Hills--and it isn't pretty.

Along with your unwanted house guests, the presence of a scale is almost certainly unwelcome during the holiday season. Especially if, for example, said guest is your cranky mother-in-law who constantly needles you about your weight.

With the economic crisis, coupled with the stress of the holidays and a case or two of red wine; one little comment too many and suddenly BLAM! You've got a Thanksgiving Double Homicide on your hands.

One moment you're picking off the last of the turkey and the next, one of your house guests is being carved up with an ass full of stuffing while another is being pureed into a Hate Pie with this lovely blender:

If you look closely, I think you can see skin cells, hair follicles and signs of human struggle on the lid:

In an effort to sober the attacker and calm any survivors down, someone brews a pot of decaf...

...while trying to clear up any evidence of mashed-face potatoes, gran-berry sauce and screamed corn. And man-yams™. Because there are almost certainly some man-yams around when all is said and done.

Now calm, the chef-turned-Thanksgiving Killer insists on dumping the evidence--and any chance of another dinner party--onto the Big Blue NeighborGoodies table. Now, any would-be visitors would have no plates to eat from, no utensils to eat with, and no coffee to drink...

...and certainly no non-dairy creamer or coffee stirrers if they somehow sneak in with a cup of their own coffee. After all, our hosts certainly don't want a repeat of the Thanksgiving Day Massacre, which seems almost unavoidable with another set of holidays coming up.

On the other hand, I suppose all this stuff could be on the NeighborGoodies Table simply because someone moved out at the end of the month.

Either way, I wouldn't eat any leftovers from this building. Just in case.

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