By Wrapping Paper of St. Paul, Minnesota! Thanks, Tim!

Friday, January 29, 2010

Go Team Go!

Before I begin ranting about today's items, I want to give a big shout-out to Jenny over at Yard Sale Bloodbath. Jenny shares my passion for other people's used nonsense and she's always been a big supporter of NeighborGoodies. In fact, she was our first major plug a while back (check it out here.) Well, last week, Jenny did it again, this time alerting the media to the Most Alarming NeighborGoodie Ever. A reporter from Seattle's own The Stranger picked up the story for the Slog, causing a million billion people from the Seattle area to pop over to our little corner of the internet.

So... hello to our new Pacific Northwest friends, and thanks Jenny! And thanks also to Blog Will Eat Itself, a new "occasional blog blogging obscure blogs," which featured NeighborGoodies last week as well:

Of course, they also chose to prominently feature that terrifying Baby Gl*ry H*le in all its... well, "gl*ry." But we love the love, so thanks!

These exciting developments prove that with Teamwork, we can Achieve the Extraordinary! Or, at least, that's what this lovely out-of-date calendar would have you believe:

This 2009 planner was, for some reason, given to someone in the building by their dentist. Because nothing says Teamwork quite like a fluoride treatment. Remember: It Takes Two to Rinse™.

This is one of those things that winds up on the Table for no good reason. Who the hell wants a planner that's a year old? The person who had this has a trash can in their apartment: Use it. Do they think someone, somewhere in the building is just camping out in the laundry room thinking, "Why spend money on a planner? One will turn up. The year doesn't matter; the months all have the same number of days in them! It's not a leap year, so fuck it!"

It's about as likely as someone thinking, "I need a dentist. If only one's name and number would appear on some trash in the Laundry Room, I could finally get this root canal and stop living my life in blinding pain! OH LOOK! IT'S MY LUCKY DAY!! Optimum Dentistry, Here I Come!"

No. None of this is happening. Throw. It. Away. IN THE TRASH. Before I knock the rest of your teeth out, idiot.

Go Team!


Oh... sorry. Didn't mean to lash out there. Anyway, the Teamwork planner was on the Table inside of this bag...

...along with what the 99-cent store refers to as "Art."

"Framed Art," to be exact.

Some of the Framed Art is generic enough...

...and some of it is, well...this:

... and the rest of it? Well, I'm glad you asked. Because the rest of it is truly Life Enhancing.

I don't know about you, but I very often find myself looking toward the Marvel Universe in order to find ways to achieve greatness within my own life.

For example, I had a fear of commitment until I saw this:

It reads "Commitment: To fight when others fold, pursue while others retreat, conquer while others quit, and make right when all else is wrong." Thanks, Fantastic Four, for making me not fear commitment any longer. Especially you, Chris Evans. Especially you.

Ahem. Anyway, if the Fantastic Four aren't quite your style, Spidey has the same message for you:

So if webbing doesn't frighten you, this Framed Art would be perfect for your home or office.

The good folks at Marvel noted that were armed with a vast library of characters and an unending stream of cheesy sayings, s0 the Possibilities of more Motivational Posters were endless:


But as Spidey was told in his first movie... With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility, so you don't want to saturate the market, or else these things might wind up in dollar stores across the nation...

...before being thrown out in a passive-aggressive way.

All of these things have inspired me to create my own motivational art... for you:

Well... I'm sure as hell motivated. Aren't you?

1 comment:

Ludovica said...

Well well well.So the 21st century equivalent of inspirational Biblical texts, lovingly embroidered by innocent virgins as samplers and hung on the walls of America to uplift and inspire, is.... Spiderman? Oh dear I think we are probably all truly doomed... I guess you just CANNOT get the necessary number of required virgins or something, so they have to recruit some creepy dude with his lunchbox permanently encased in gaudy Lycra... Hmm come to think of it, maybe those Americans who dress as Spiderman are indeed the only virgins left?